** I apologize in advance for extreme emotions, mushiness, and over-sharing**
A BIT OF PERSPECTIVE
This past Friday, I was shocked, saddened, frustrated, and overwhelmed by the horrible shooting in Connecticut. As a human being, an American, a parent, I was horrified. When I was finally able to remove my eyes from the screen, I saw my beautiful little girl, playing with her toys. I thought about my first-grader, the smartest, sweetest little boy I've ever known, and how I wanted to run to the school and hold him forever. I remembered my husband, the cutest, most loyal, honorable and responsible guy I've ever known, and I thought "What the hell am I doing?" And I realized that I have given too much of my life, their time, to blogging.
I love book blogging. I think, if you've read my reviews or ever talked to me about books, that's apparent. Blogging has given me something to feel good about, when as a stay-at-home mom, I often felt lonely and lost. Many of you have become my friends, my best friends, my only "real" friends. (I live in a town of "mean girl" cliquey moms, and well, I don't really deal with bullshit that well.) Blogging is something that I don't see myself giving up for a long time.
But here's the deal: I've made blogging a priority in my life. That's just wrong, you guys. This is a hobby. Yes, a passionate hobby, but my life, my family's life shouldn't revolve around it. I can't tell you how many times I've put my husband and kids off while I finish a book, or post. My children will only be mine for so long. Spending time with them, loving them, should be my first priority...not a blog.
I'm going back to running this blog like I started it. I won't push myself to read until 2am (unless the book is just that awesome), only to cause myself to be groggy in the mornings, run late, be snippy, get sick from lack of sleep, an all too-common occurence. My family deserves the best of me.
As of now, I'm slowing down. All of my blog tour dates or any commitments will be fulfilled. Authors, if I have told you I will review your book, I will certainly do that, the turn-around just won't be as speedy. I'm going to do the best I can to only accept or request books that truly excite me.
I'm writing this post not for attention, or as a grand gesture, but because I often don't believe things until I see them, read them. If I write this post, it's as good as a contract. A contract with myself, and my family. My kids will likely never see this post, or ever know I sat here crying and typing as I hear them sleeping beside me, but my promise is here nonetheless. To Eric, who actually does read my blog and admires my passion, rolls his eyes at my love for hot rock stars, and thinks I'm a bit crazy, I'm sorry. After fifteen years together, nearly half our lives, I can honestly say that I love you more at this very moment than I ever have. I promise that I will spend less time on the computer and more time loving you, Wyatt and Delaney.